Sam

Last night in my "this isn't me" mood I remembered that I didn't even say happy birthday to Sam. It's not entirely my fault since he blocked me on fb and we don't see each other much, but we do text once in awhile (usually he texts me but that's besides the point). Anyway I texted him and asked how his birthday went. I didn't get a reply until I had fallen asleep so I didn't check it until this morning. We are now having a long conversation about the old days where he's like remember this and I'm like yea? what of it? and he's like that was funny. I can see how I've changed and with his relationship with me I think it's a necessary change. I just need to learn to turn off the snobbiness and be the old Stephanie who is super sweet. I need to realize that not everyone is going to take advantage of me like he and few girls have. I need to recognize Doug as a person who wants to better my life, not destroy it like Sam wanted.

When I say snobbiness, I mean this. Sam: I told Marcus how much I used to hate him. Me: ...OK. Did that make you feel better or something? Sam: We both just thought it was funny.

Old me would have had this convo. Sam: I told Marcus how much I used to hate him. Me: Haha that's funny, how'd he respond? Sam: He thought it was funny too.

BUT the old me's way makes sam feel like we're frds again, when we aren't, so the new me way is considerably better for situations like that. The flip side of this is that the new me makes Doug think I'm constantly PMSing, which isn't good lol. I need to tap into the old me so that Doug feel like I love him and not just saying that after being so cold and sarcastic. This is difficult. I used to be able to read everyone and tell if I should be sarcastic or be soft with them. I could tell if they were going to walk all over me or soften to my warmth as a frd. I think since I was so way off with Sam subconsciously I am doubting my abilities to do this anymore. I have to get my confidence back in this reading ppl thing.

HA SIDE NOTE: Sam just broke the rule, he asked how Doug and I were doing. I responded well, his initials are DHW, as in Desperate housewives, so we're doing good! lol, how's Katlyn? Sam: haha things between katlyn and I are relaxing, easy and fun. So we're good as well. (like why did we have to have that little convo? we were talking about marcus.....not relationships) I think I'm done talking to him now. he still has the idea that I care about him in his head.... I do still care about him, but like I care about a bum on the side of the street, not like I care about a frd. There's a big diff that he's completely missing despite my snobbiness.