SLEEP

I've been through a lot last year as I explained in an earlier blog, and throughout all of that, no matter what was going on, I always found myself sleeping soundly through the night. Whether I had cried myself to sleep or fell asleep at 5am, I would sleep sound for at least 6 hours. Last night I couldn't fall asleep even after reading 5 chapters of lost and found and listening to John Mayer and Colbie Cablet. I laid in bed from 11:30 to 4am literally just thinking. I could not turn my brain off. I'm scared of this whole Doug thing. He invited me over today, I'm leaving in 5 minutes, and it sounds like he's planning something special. I'm assuming this from him texting me to make sure I was coming then telling me not to come early, but be there at 11 on the dot. I didn't ask questions bc I need a little surprise in my life these days and I'm sure I'll like anything he does. But it's hard. I'm complicating things. He's been so patient with me, steering the conversations away from talk of relationships, not pressuring me to make up my mind like Tim did. I know I'm ready for another relationship. I'm not drained anymore like I was after Sam and I split up. I am whole again and I have love to give to another human being. I just don't know if I'm ready to trust someone again. I know this is prolly way down the line, but I don't want my boyfriend to ever become my best friend again. It's hard enough to loose someone you were planning on forever with, but to add the one person who has known you since you were 14 and knows everything about you is too much. What if that happens again? What if Doug becomes someone I want to marry and in an effort to do that I become so close with him that I forget my other friends? I g/g I'm gonna be late.