Thx giving

My first holiday being single sucked. I have never been so lonely in all my life. This was my day; I woke up around 10, made a nice breakfast (like the 40 year old virgin), watched tv with lady, got ready for dinner at my moms husbands sisters house, went to dinner, came home, watched elf, and went to bed. My only social interaction today was for about 7 hours. Now I'm laying in bed and something just doesn't feel right. I need something but can't put my finger on it. I'm not hungry, I'm not cold, I'm not scared or any more lonely than I've been lately, I don't want to be with a friend or another one if my boy toys right now. I just want to be happy and for some reason, I'm not. I'm used to knowing exactly what I want when I want it and let's face it, I usually get it. Tonight I just don't know. I guess the best word to describe how I'm feeling is uneasy. I'm just not used to this family life of seeing eachother on a holiday for a few hours. Sams family would have me over in the morning, I'd bring lady of course bc they knew we were a packaged deal, and we'd cook stuff together as a family all day, listening to Christmas music and decorating the house. Last thx giving we watched the entire home alone series while we cooked. Then the good china would come out and wine would be opened and pretty soon everyone would be finished eating and just like that the entire day had flown by and I'd run off for a few hours to be with my family. When I returned to get lady I'd come in for a few more minutes to visit with eiyee then drive her home and walk her in to her apartment building. I would return to my apt by myself but filled with love and happiness. I woukd fall asleep with a smile on my face and tons of left overs on my fridge. I guess I just didn't realize how different it would be. I didn't know I would end up with an empty heart and a fridge to match. Gawd, I didn't even hug my mother today. Well, now I know what's wrong with me. I'm empty. And not even my moms wonderful vegiterian stuffing can fill me up. I can pin point what I want, but it's something I will never have until I get married and start my own family traditions, which probably won't happen.