what i want want want

doesn't have to be what u want want want.

I have been an emotional reck this past week. Not only have I been going through greek week which is stressful on its own, I have been trying to get a job and I have pinpointed my reasons for missing doug in my life. It's not doug, and its not sam. My depression was coming from a completely different source and now that I know what was causing it, I am making steps to fix it. Of course this requires work from all parties involved, and yes, it includes several people, but where there's a will there's a way and there is a STRONG will in this situation. I just got back from talking to my dad, ACTUALLY talking to him :O it's a new concept I'm trying to implement into my life haha. Anyways, he makes me feel so much better about everything. He lays out the facts of my life and reassures me that I have good solid plans for my future. He didn't actually say it, but from his tone and some of the things he said, I could tell he was proud of me for being who I am today. It's been such a long time since I've felt supported by someone other than my sorority sisters to do the things that I want and it felt so good to hear his approval and encouragement tonight. It was exactly what I needed to help de-stress from this God awful week.

Also I want to note that I'm lucky to have frds who care so much for me. My frd is willing to go above and beyond what other ppl in my life should be willing to do for me but aren't at the time being. He offered to move in with me and he seriously started looking for places and let me know that he understands the need to have someone to say good night to at the end of the day. He understood that I missed having someone to watch TV with. It felt good to have that friendship kind of unveil itself today and I although I think the person who needs to step up will, causing me to no longer need a roomie, I won't forget how selfless and kind he has been to me. The world could use a few more ppl like him and if he ever opens up and let me know that he needs anything from me, I hope that I can show him the same kindness that he has shown me. I'm glad I met him <3

SIDE NOTE; one of Sam's fraternity brother's was very out of line last night while talking to me. SO today I asked Sam (via text) if he could clarify that I'm not a whore for his brothers since I'm sure he was the one who gave them this idea in the first place. Sam agreed and apologized repeatedly for his brother's behavior and what was so strange about this was he guessed who it was. Before that another PSP guy told me I was too pretty to be off the market from men for a year and Doug was able to guess who that was. I didn't think I was THAT oblivious to things, but apparently I am bc they both could see these boys had a thing for me while I was completely blind sided. I wanted to note that Sam was acting very protective of me when he found out, that also was nice to know that he was there for me too in a lesser way than before.

I have such great friends in my life, but I need that underlying foundation if I want to be complete. So that's what I'm doing, I'm fixing the holes in my foundation one brick at a time. trust me, easier said than done.