the end of 2009

Tonight is NYE and I had a wonderful night planned with doug, but he's sick, so he's not going out tonight. So I'm getting dressed up in the outfit I was planning on wearing and going over my sister's to watch the ball drop since no one is going to the house party in AA. I just think it is so fitting for 2009 that I don't have someone to kiss at midnight like I would have if doug wasn't sick. I think I kind of need to be alone to bring in the new year as an independent women who doesn't need anyone to be happy.

2009 has been a good year for me. I have rid my life of everything that was sucking the life out of me (sam, backstabbing frds, etc.) and I am healthier than I have ever been, inside and out. I haven't fought with anyone in 6 months, I have become very optimistic, I have bigger and better plans for my future, and I have learned to find the beauty in everything around me. I have been running faster and longer everyday, which is slowly helping my asthma disappear, and I have improved my wardrobe immensely. This year was hard though, and these accomplishments came at a huge price. From January mourning the loss of Eyiee and the separation of a very tight-knit and loving family through June with my gull bladder ordeal of going three weeks without food or water until they realized what was wrong with me, through July and August and the loss of someone I was ready to spend the rest of my life with and finally ending with the passing of a beloved grandfather. 2009 has been a bit of a b**** but from these obstacles I have gained experience and knowledge that many my age are far from understanding. There were many times this past year I wish things were different. Looking back on this year now, I wouldn't change a thing. God has a plan for me and I fully intend on enjoying the ride he has laid out for me. So I say, let 2010 be just as much of a thrill as 2009 was. I'm ready to bring the new year in alone, for the first time in 6 years. (yes mom and family, sam kissed me at midnight way back when I was 14. No matter how many blogs I write you cannot possibly imagine how deep our relationship was or how long it really lasted, but I do appreciate you trying. I couldn't have made it through 2009 without you guys.)