It's a new day : )

It's confirmed, I have a date to semi. I thought I'd be going single for sure, but he got back to me and he is very excited, as he should be. I'm a hot date : P

Also, I have made the decision to pick up another job for the weekends at micheals or kohls. Why not make some more money while I'm keeping myself distracted from my 'empty nest' (forgot to blog about my theory that since 'ryan' was such a big baby, I'm going through empty nest syndrome since he has now left).

AND! I had a long convo (over fb chat :( ) with a guy who I use to LOVE to talk to! He is very smart and very nice and meets a lot of my requirements, but we were really just friends. Then something happened and sam made me stop talking to him b/c me kindness towards him was 'giving him the wrong impression.' It feels so good to talk to him again.

So today was a good day. my arms are sore from the gym (yes! muscle!), I watched the sun set as I drove home from my rewarding job at the preschool, I played with lady, and I reconnected (kinda) with a good friend. I can breathe a little bit better tonight : )

Yup! what a concept, I could use a little fuel myself and we could all use a little CHANGE!

I looked up volunteer opportunities with united way and there are some really cool ones. I can teach kids! HAHA that's what I love! So I applied to two good positions that I would be able to do (since all I have open are weekends it was kind of difficult). Hopefully I'll hear back from them soon.

Also on my agenda is getting my dad to allow me to go stay in his house in chicago. I wanted to rent out a cabin up north, but something tells me I'd be scared shitless in the woods all alone. So chicago works. Maybe I can stand to be with someone else, but that someone else would have to be someone who knows me and understands me so that I don't have explain every little thing I say and do. That narrows it down to a boy who I haven't seen in a year, my sister who is too busy and too wound up in her career as a student, and, well, that's kind of it I guess. Crap. I got no one.

well I'll toy with the idea of going with some of my sisters. There are a few I love to hang out with, but unfortunately they all have boyfriends who they are tied to. I understand that cuz I've been there. You know Sam actually made me promise I wouldn't go on any more vacations unless he was able to go with me. HA what a crazy four years it has been. Hell what a crazy 6 years it's been! We had a lot of fun. maybe now is the time I'm not supposed to have fun, you know, the be fair to other ppl and kind of even everything out.

I'll call it 'my coming out night'

Last night I went to tiki bobs for one of my friend's halloween party that they won, so it was free to get in. I dressed like a sexy vampire and did my make up phanom! So when we got there I thought I would just hate it b/c there's so many slutty girls there, and there were slutty girls there, but I realize that I don't care how slutty girls are as long as my bf is either all about me or not there. Tonight, he wasn't there b/c I was SINGLE! I've never been to a club SINGLE in my life and let me teel you, I danced my little bootie off! I danced with two random cute guys, by a pole, and on a bar. I danced with my two girl friends and didn't worry that someone was watching me in disgust. I didn't drink anything except water all night but for some reason I started feeling dizzy and nauseous, but other than that, it was a perf night out. I'm calling it my coming out night b/c that sums it all up!

SAM

so a long long time ago i sent him a fb message saying thank you for teaching me how to change my tire. It's been like a month and I figured that was that, he wasn't going to respond. Today I get his response "np" which really shouldn't affect me but I have that his name came up on my email. I hate it b/c I deleted his email from my address so that I would never see that crap again but fb has to go and fix that for me! Thx fb.

so I realize it sounds like I'm running away from this issue, but I swear I'm not. I'm completely over this boy I spent 4 years on. If he were to beg for me back like he's done in the past I would turn the other check and maybe get a restraining order. I'm just saying. It might come to that. He did fb message me.

UH F you fb! and FU sam for not making ur profile off limits to me like I did to you! GAWD! He's so happy with that girl, that girl who is just an uglier version of me! brown hair, round face, brown eyes, perfect teeth, except she has werid checks, like a frikin' chipmunck. How in the world did he get into such a loving relationship three days after ending a four year one!!!!! He NEVER cried over me but I'm still breaking down when I go the frickin' gynos b/c it reminds me of how crazy in love he used to be with me. How can he just pick up and transfer the love he had for one girl to another? I just can't do it. I guess I'm not strong enough. There will never be another Sam for me and it makes it that much worse that he found another Stephanie already. I was honestly doing fine until I clicked on his stupid profile pic and went to his page and saw an album titled "my new home" by that girl with all pictures of sam. My SAM. He was mine.

I'm forgetting that 'he' in this situation is not the 'he' who I feel in love with. That boy in those pictures in Chicago is not the boy 4 years ago who offered me a promise ring the he would never leave me. That boy kissing that uglier version of me is not the boy who thought he had gotten me pregnant by dry humping me. That boy, isn't who my boy was. I need to remember this b/c if I forget it I will not be able to handle it. I won't be able to move on with my life if there's a chance that my sam is still in there.

What will they come up with next?

So today I get a text from a snake saying that a phi sig was talking to him about how I'm prolly spending more money since sam is not in my life anymore to pay for all my necessities. HA! What? When did this kid ever pay for anything for me? I think the only he ever bought me were promise rings (none over $100 of course, we weren't rich!)

So lets lay this one out for you. I'm 16 with a balla savings account and sam's 17 with no bank account, no job, no money (except the $20 his mom would give him to buy fast food b/c at this point that's all he'd eat, and he'd eat $20 worth a day. Tis is way he was over 300 pounds when I met him. but moving on). He wants an ipod and the new xbox 360. He negs and negs and negs and begs and begs and begs for weeks, but I finally give in b/c I'm with him all the time and I can't take it! Then when he 'buys' my truck off my dad (in payments of $100 a month) he needs help paying it. I pay for it for a few months. When his parents were going bankrupt I off my money. A littler here, a little there, and BAM! my saving account was spent on sam.

So we start working at my dad's office, both making the same amount, but for some reason I was still expected to pay for dinner, gas, entertainment, etc. I even ended up giving him alcohol money once in a while. Why you might ask? because we were in it for the long run and he would eventually pay me back (so why haven't I seen a cent yet?)

Let's fast forward to a year ago. We are having problems b/c he is staying out at the bar every night and blowing me off for his frat boys! (NO i do not mean fraternity brothers, I mean exactly what I said. deal with it.) At this point he is working as a dish washer and I am making less than him at the preschool. He is working on becoming more of a savor (which he has obviously never been) so I would still pay for things. His gas for his car, $20 to go the bar to check out other girls, etc. ....Good times.....

So this is why when I heard this information, I was ferious at first. Now, 30 minutes after the fact, I am cracking up. This is really funny when you think about it, Sam is going crazy. He's an idiot who doesn't belong in college but, thx to me, was able to pull up his C and below report card in high school and go to baker college. What a great college! Then, also thx to his study buddy (aka me), went to Wayne state university. his whole hick family had a celebration!!! their boy was at a university! And guess what? his parents thanked ME for helping him focus. Then He transferred to U of M Dearborn and joins a frat. Again his parents and sam himself could not thank me enough! A wright going to a university was one thing but joining a frat and taking leadership roles was just mind boggling!

Well you're welcome wright family. For paying for so much and not asking for anything in return, for helping your boy raise his grades and put more emphasis on studying and education, for introducing him to those awesome phi sigs, and for being there for your family through thick and thin and not expecting a thing in return. You're welcome for letting you walk all over me. good luck finding another one as kind as I was to you.

....HA Sam paying for ME?!?! In what world?

getting over a break up

The memories you will always keep; $0

A new apartment to forget about half the lies he told; $665 a month

A new bedroom set from Ikea to make it your bedroom instead of 'ours'; $1,000

Throwing out the old promise rings that ended up meaning nothing; A lot of will

Hair app., new clothes, and a new way of life; $400

Finding another best friend who won't spread or make up rumors about you; Priceless

I've made it all the way to the last step, but can't quite seem to finish this....

mean girls

True friends don't spread rumors about each other. When they hear something about their friend that doesn't seem right, they stick up for them. They do not believe these things and they do not think a thing about writing it off.

Boys are dumb. When you move on and leave them in the dust they are going to say things. I expect my friends to disregard these thing at least. They should rebuttal against the person saying these things to defend their friend, but I'll settle for disregarding.

So either "Ryan" or one of my friends has been talking 'smack' about me and its just getting around to me. I just want everyone to know that these things are not true! To most of you this stuff is old news but to me its brand new and I am furious. Like, furious enough to go inactive. Apparently ppl don't think I respect sorority events anyway, so why should I continue giving my dedication to this org when all they do is spread around these lies and probably add to them?

Also, since I don't know who is saying this stuff about me, I'm done discussing my life with my closest friends because some of them have turned out to be mean girls. These are girls who have been made fun of their whole life so when opportunity strikes they take their frustration out on their friends. They might do this by giving poor advice, or becoming close friend with an ex boyfriend. Well, I'm done feeding these rumors and I'm done trusting ppl with any information. The smallest detail could be construed into a big rumor if told to the right mean girl. So Goodbye sisterhood. It was nice pretending we had you....

So to recap, I'm over the whole high school lets talk bad about our best friend behind her back bull. If you want me to set the record straight for you I will, but you, as my friend, should know better than to believe that I would show up to a sorority event under any type of influence and you should also know that I don't hook up in frat bathrooms.

Worms

Today it rained all day and I got to thinking about worms. You see them all the time when it rains in the summer and their tunnels fill with water forcing them up to the side walk. But what do they do in the winter? I didn't see any worms today so did they go into hibernation? Migrate?

This seems like a question for google. Answer tba.

Apparently they go deeper underground b/c it is warmer, but why don't they suffocate down there? Can anyone answer this?

Good Morning!

I had a much needed good morning. I finally started my workout routine back up with my frd. so I actually woke up early instead of sleeping til class. Then on the way home, ppl were stopping to let the geese cross the road and I just laughed. It's crazy how there can be so much evil in this world and then the simplest act of kindness towards nature can turn everything around.

When I finally got home I noticed the bee I was so afraid of last night was still hanging out in the same spot. So I stopped for a closer look. I'm afraid he's hurt and can't fly, he just keeps picking up his feet and moving them slightly, but he's not going anywhere. I know I looked insane, standing outside my door asking a bee who no one else could see what was wrong, but I wish I could help him. I already had a fish die in my car and now I'm going to have a dead bee by my door : ( But that's nature. It happens and if he dies then it must have been his time to go and new bee to come to life.

Anyway, I continued my morning after realizing that three of my neighbors had begun to stare. I watched will & Grace with my puppy Lady Bug then took a wonderful shower. Now I'm going to go do my beautiful hair that I love, and go do interviews, class, then possibly mongos to support a group of guys who used to be my friends. Why do I still feel like I should support them? Because I'm a good person damn it!