MHS

The MHS trained me to do two more jobs today. One is pretty cool. I give each cat at the center a folder that I've been putting together for the first few weeks. I fill out the info, make out 'cage cards' that ppl read, and then I get to go put the collars on the kitties! Today I did two 4 month old kittens and they were SO cute and nice. The second job is more professional. I go on the data base and look up volunteers who haven't been updating their hours for the petsmart offsite position. Then I go down the list and look at each profile individually and check them out. Then I call them and talk to them about getting more involved or give them directions for the online time sheets and hour log, or put them on the list to be trained, basically do what I can to get them back into volunteering at petsmart. I also donated what was left from Darma to the center for the the little critters. Now I'm finishing up packing right on schedule and then waiting for doug to stop by for a little bit before I drive down to my grandma's for the night. By night, I mean to drop lady off and sleep for about 4 hours before Nana takes us all to the airport so we can board our plane to San Diego, CA!!!!! I'm so excited! But I'm nervous leaving my laptop behind since I have so much homework to do. I'm bringing a flash disk and using Amanda's computer bc I can't fit this into my bags safely.... It'll be ok though, it's just school :P

lying vs leaving out IMP facts

So Doug told me he was going get highlights today. He told me it would be before his presentation. What he didn't tell me was Jessica Matthews was doing it for him. I don't care that she did it, I care that he didn't tell me she was going to do it. I think this bothers me bc Jenya walked by today and asked if I had seen him yet and that Jessica said they looked good. So I texted him and told him that word on street has it he looks pretty good with highlights. He asked who said that and I told him the Jessica told Jenya that. Perfect opportunity to say well she's the one who did them, or it was her handy work, or yeah she did a good job on me, something that indicates that he's not hiding it from me.

I get fb tonight and Jessica Matthews chats me and says I should have been there bc she washed his hair or something idk all I'm paying attention to is the fact that he didn't want me to know that he was going to have jessica do his hair. This is the dumbest thing ever, they're frds. Why wouldn't he say she was going to do it for him? I feel like that's an important piece of information. He does this a lot I'm realizing and I don't like it. I love that he's honest with me but is this really being honest? It just sounds like lying to me. We're going to have to talk about this the day before I leave for California but you know what? If he can't promise to tell me the whole truth and nothing but the truth from this day forward (OK, a little exaggerated) then pish. I'm back to square one and I'll have to make another requirement list.

I'm glad he likes his hair though. I hope I do too :)

UMMM yeah just found out why he was busy tonight. He's going over Abee's house with a bunch of ppl including Jessica Matthews... AGAIN why is he hiding this from me? This is like holding a match to a burn victim.

boys and my birthdays....

So I usually have a wonderful time on my birthday no matter what age I'm turning, but this year it's my 21st. I am getting a party bus Friday the 18th of June and I'm wearing a pink dress. All my guests must pay up front and wear a color other than pink :) We are going to begin the evening around 11 with a champaign toast to a beautiful 21 years of life then driving around to clubs and bars. I haven't planned the exact places yet but I'm thinking I want the classier bars in AA my sister told me about. Anyway! The boy will most likely come on the bus with me and my frds BUT, and this is a HUGE BUT, on my birthday, Saturday the 19th of June, he will be with his EX g/f chloe at her graduation party, as in graduation from HS. You know, the g/f he dedicated a song on his album to which is titled something like "i love you too babe." This doesn't make me happy, but I have to accept it. I know that I personally would never go to my ex b/f's anything over Doug's birthday day..... I guess we didn't really have plans that day but as a b/f I expect that he'd want to woo me that day somehow and there no way I'm going be wooed by him if he's with her. My instinct is saying trust him and don't think about it, but reality is saying she's a 17 yr old girl who used to be in love with him and since they haven't been that close as far as I know I'm just a little confused when looking at the details that surround this. It's my birthday and he's not only not going to see me, but he's going to be with another girl celebrating something of hers instead of something of mine. IDK man, I'm kind of tired of bf thinking I don't expect anything from them on my actual birthday. My last birthday Sam gave me a promise ring and forgot to make the promise.... seriously? it's just a ring if you do that and I can buy myself a better looking ring that means more to me. I'm just going to continue with my plans bc on my actual birthday night I'm going to reserve a booth at this nice club in Dbo I think for all my 21 and upper frds. Doug couldn't go anyway. Hopefully that day between me waking up and night time goes by ok bc I can just see me getting really upset from thinking about this too much while I sit alone in my apt on my birthday. ugh.... this is no good.... it's my birthday!

on a brighter note, this boy is seriously my other half. He wants to take me to the Oasis Hot tub gardens in AA. I've only been twice, once with Sam and I had to plan it all a pay for it and make sure he packed everything he needed... blah blah blah.... Doug is going to pretty much do it all and guess what? He can pack himself :O I know, it's amazing but I'm pretty sure he's good with that. It's so nice to have a bf who likes to do fun things! last night he took me to the hookah bar and we shared a smoothie, how cute is that? And he says the cutest things and he started touching me more, that sounds bad..... he started touching my face and putting his arm around me when we're out and that kind of touching. I'm glad that this is getting better with time and not worse like it usually does.Our relationship is like wine in that sense :) did I mention I wanted to spend sunday the 20th of June drinking wine and snuggling with Doug? We'll see if that happens or if I even still feel like drinking after two nights of actually drinking legally :X or if I'll want to snuggle with his after spending my birthday alone without him knowing he's with her. I used to love the name Chloe..... I wanted to name my kid Chloe, now this girl has kind of ruined that for me.

BONES

I love this show. It is stimulating in every way a television show can be. I just watched 3 episodes and had to really force myself not to watch the other 2 just yet, I must ration so I don't have to endure a dry spell again. Anyway, none of my frds are into this show so I'm going to talk about it on here. Angela and hodgens were engaged but then broke up. Her father tracked down hodgens, knocked him out, and put a huge tattoo of Angela's face and name on his arm. He was left in the middle of a desert to wake up to find this new piece of art and I thought it was brilliant. I've always wondered what I would do if someone ever hurt me. With Sam it was change living quarters and rejoice in my new single aura, but what if someone cheated on me or broke my heart before I was ready for the relationship to end? Now I know. It's not violent, or even really permanent since tattoos can be removed by very costly and painful procedure that often leaves deep scaring or the tissue affected, but it does the job sending the message of this person has hurt someone and bc of that he was once a bad person. It's fitting too, with the tattoo being a metaphor of being tattooed on one's heart forever and the scaring after removal like the scaring he left behind when he metaphorically removed himself from my heart. I can't think of anything better, or that matter funnier. I was cracking up when hodgens opened his eyes all alone in the desert to find the tattoo! So yeah, in short, it's good show.

It does put me in a very analytical mood though. I talked to Doug after watching an episode and he asked is he should be thinking of a way of revenge in case I ever cheated on him and I expressed that it would be the only logical thing to do since we determined that we *could* cheat on each other especially while away from one another. And I talked to him about the living with a guy thing which he didn't like at all but said he needed to think about where he stood on the matter. I kind of liked to see the jealous side of him for a change, it showed me that he does care about me and that's why we are in a monogamous relationship despite the historic human nature of depending on more than one partner to satisfy our needs. Dr. Brennan (aka BONES) says that human beings are not a monogamous species and that's her basis of why she could never get married. That and the fact that we could never tell how we will feel about someone in the future scientifically. GAWD i love this show! HAHA she was in a bridal dress store with Booth (the attractive angel actor) during an investigation and of course the owner thought they were tying the knot so she holds up a white vail to Bones and says this works well with your face shape and Bones replies, "Well that implies virginity and I have been sexually active for quite some time now." HAHAHA I love it. I love bones, I love booth, I love the show. And I hope I didn't scare Doug. I didn't mean that I might cheat on him, just that if it were me I would like to have a plan to release some vengeance in a healthy way in case that happens in this relationship or any other relationship he might have down the road. I did make it clear that if he isn't ok with the living with a boy and we are still together that I could change what I wanted and therefore change the arrangements all together. Now I kind of feel bad about that though bc if I know I can live with this boy without any sexual or romantic tension then I would most likely do it regardless unless of course I saw potential in Doug as a future husband and father of my children. It is way to early to even hypothesis if I could feel that way about him by August though, so I guess what I told him was partly true. I don't think I'd stay with someone again if I didn't feel something along those lines........ he would be a good father though, JUST SAYING!

Living arrangments

I decided that living on my own is really depressing. I come home to lady who's real excited to see me, but I miss the language of someone saying "hey you're home! I missed u!" or something along those lines. Also, I used to love the fact that if I didn't come home no one would worry, but now I hate it. If I don't come home at night someone should be concerned about my whereabouts. It's just not normal..... SO I've been keeping my eyes pen for a roomie in August when my lease is up. Girl wise there's Dani who lives in the upper flat of a house in detroit right across warren from school. There's Adrianna, but I think she's pretty much set in AP with her sister and I'm not sure if they even need another renter or fit an extra renter in that house. Then there are the newbies who want to move out of their parents, could probably do it if they wanted it, but probably won't be ready by August. Then there are the boys. I know a lot of boys who are living on their own or with a roomie right now, but I have my eye on this one boy. I've known him for a few years now and we're pretty close now. He lives on his own right now with another couple in a house but is looking to move out at the end of summer. I haven't even proposed this to anyone yet bc it is unorthodox fo sho! BUT I could see myself sharing a living space with him.I feel like it would be easier, I know boys are messier, but he pretty much always eats fast food, he would always compliment me and be fun to be around, he wouldn't get crabby once a month, and who better to have in the next room when there's a spider or a bad dream then a boy? Plus, I hear from a pretty sound source that you never want to live with your best frd bc it always ends bad. AND when two girls live together or even spend a lot of time together, they start to have the same cycle which would be horrible! We'd be at each other's throats all week! Plus they might be neater then I am or have different styles, a boy would just go with the flow and accept my style and add his to it if anything. Then there's the whole she's prettier then me factor I would most likely fall into at some point in the arrangement. With a boy I could help him dress, he could maybe help me, but mostly he wouldn't threaten my view of myself. I think it's a good idea, the only problem is the boy I want to live with won't live with his romantic partner b4 he's married, but since we're not in anyway romantically involved there's a chance. I'm just crossing my fingers yet, I just know I want a boy and not a girl to come home to at the end of a long day. I have until August to find a roomie and I know you don't always get what u want so if I can only get a girl, that's fine and I'll do my best to make it work.

It's going to be difficult explaining this to Doug if we're still together, but if anyone would be flexible enough to accept this it's him. He's so amazing in that area of giving me my freedom to do whatever I want. I will never date a clingy or jealous boy again. They are no good for anyone.

Dreams

Dream 1) This was a wonderful dream. I was surrounded by chocolate, carmel chocolate, chocolate strawberries, football shaped chocolate, etc. It began as a tour of sorts where I was being lead around like in a garden. We 'picked' strange looking things and ate around thorns and outer peels to discover that they were all chocolate! It was like a patch of different kinds of chocolate plants! I picked a 'bushel' full of 'chocolates' and brought them home where I melted them in my warm hand and licked up the melted chocolate. Then my alarm rang and I hit the snooze button hoping I could jump back into my chocolately dreams but then someone texted me so I had to open my eyes. It was ok though bc the text said SNOW DAY! Which mean I didn't have to wake up and I didn't have the midterm I've been stressing over. So I went back to sleep and tried to get back in the mode of chocolate patches full of strange chocolates!

Dream 2) NOT as nice as the first. I was out, I think buying chocolate, when my apt complex called me saying they picked up motion on the motion detector in my apt and they knew I was out. I thought of lady immediately and could hardly get out the words GO INSIDE, they were asking my permission for entry. I dropped what I was doing and sped home to find the maintenance ppl hold Lady down. She was just finishing having a seizure. I thanked them and took her the hospital, not the vet bc u know she's human in my mind. At the hospital they had to do surgery and when that ended I went in to see her hooked up to an IV in her back and another thing of meds sticking in her back. Her mouth had a tourniquet (Is that the word for that rubber band they use to pool blood into ur arm before draining it?) on it for some reason not understood by me bc she could still 'talk' to me when she woke up. I touched her cute little head and she woke up and ran right into me (we were both on the floor pillow since she was a dog, not a human :P When she did that the tubes came out and she turned around and went back to her floor bed so the nurse could put them back in. The nurse told be it's best to let her rest but she'd be ok.

THEN the weird stuff happened. I left Lady's room to go into the children's ward where a ruckus was break out among a family. The little boy had gone missing. I walked on my path but was soon followed by two teenaged boys who looked to be carrying GUNS! the only way I could go down this hall was into the place where dead ppl are. one of them instructed me to open each small door. I opened one and out popped this boy! He jumped out at me and the shooting began! Then one thing lead to another and the hospital was on fire! The kid's dad was on the other side of the doors, both of the first teenaged boys were dead, or more so blown up with their remains all over the boy and myself....it was quite disturbing. The boy stared hard at his father I had heard talking earlier, now aiming a gun at his son who was about to set off a bomb. The father had to shoot his sun to save the entire hospital, even I, just walking into this mess, knew that. He shot and the boy went down, but I could tell he wasn't dead. The father ran in and I ran out! I ran straight to Lady. The nurse was unhooking all the other dogs in her ward and by the time I got to lady she was ready to be placed in my arms once again. I ran out of that hospital before I started crying. I had seen so many deaths in just one little dream, I wanted to go back to chocolate heaven, not war zone hospital. Lady licked my face and when I opened my eyes she was wagging her tail. She was saying thank you and that she loved me.

Flash forward to the boy's father in a classroom reading a book to several handicap children. His son, the one about to blow up the hospital, rolls into the room in a wheel chair. The two exchange smiles and head nods and the father continues reading while the boy takes his spot next to another wheel chair. The boy will be paralyzed forever from the waist down, but he has forgiven his father and his father has forgiven his boy.

Don't know why...

Last night Doug came by for a little bit and made me happy once again :) But after he left B.H. texted me and then called me. I was already in bed so I figured I'd talk to him until I fell asleep, but that didn't happen. We talked until 6:30am..... I don't even know what I was saying to him so I hope nothing too bad LOL! I don't know why he wanted to talk to me, but I remember we talked about his Andrea and marriage a lot.

Today I had to study for a midterm tomorrow night so I'm sitting on the couch watching platinum weddings while I flip through my flash cards and occasionally flipping to 16 and pregnant. I'm going, "man, I want to be her! She's so happy!" Then "THX GAWD that's not me! Her life sucks!" haha

I don't understand why, but I have such a big head ache. Stupid school is making me unhappy. I had to cancel going to see my frds brother play in his band tonight bc I know I have that midterm tomorrow.

ugh All I did today was go to the Library, go over kiki's to get my key bc i locked myself out of my apt again, then dropped a book off to Faith and then came home and studied my heart out while watching these strange shows. I'm too cute to not go out tonight! I should have went with Dilly to listen to the band play instead of sitting here studying. I'm gonna get a B anyway, didn't we already establish that I'm a B student no matter what I do? I feel so BLAH when I study this stuff, it's like "the instructions should be simplified to accommodate for all multiple intelligences" which just means keep ur lesson plan simple. why can't they just say, keep ur lesson plans simple? I don't know why....

Perhaps I'll call Dilly and meet her out there, it's just in plymouth, I'm sure I can find it.